Becoming Tadashi
by PrincessTadashi
Summary: Tadashi's living a double life, trying to keep his family from finding out that he's a trans man at home and struggling to find acceptance at school while presenting as a guy. His best friend, Fred, is helping him every way that he can, but when Fred starts to worry that Tadashi's hurting himself by trying to keep this a secret he helps him find the courage to come out. (Fredashi)


((Hey everyone! So, I guess disclaimer before you guys start reading this story-this story is very dear to my heart and personal as a trans-spectrum guy. I wrote it when I first realized that I was on the trans spectrum and it's been updated a lot over the years as I've gotten to know myself better and I finally think it's ready to be shared. This story is based on my personal experiences, which are not going to be the same as the experiences of every other trans guy out there. I hope you guys enjoy it!))

"Ow!" Tadashi lets out a low hiss of pain as he closes his locker door. The ace bandages wrapped tightly around his chest were biting into his skin like crazy and making him feel slightly light headed, but he wasn't going to take them off now. He only had two class periods left before he was forced to change back into a bra before heading home and he wasn't going to spend any more time in that horrible thing then he had to.

Tadashi wasn't sure exactly when the truth had finally dawned on him. He'd always been what most people considered a "tomboy" when he was a little, preferring to spend his afternoons building robots with his brother than playing dolls with the girls in the neighborhood. Not that he had anything against dolls, they just weren't for him. But it had probably been when puberty hit-when, much to his horror, his chest had started developing and his period had started that he realized why he absolutely hated the changes that his body was going through. While all the girls in his class were giggling and squealing in the bathroom about getting their first bras and eagerly talking about how large they hoped their breasts would get, to Tadashi it felt like he was slowly dying inside, wishing more than anything that he could give everything that he had to the girls who seemed to envy his curvy figure.

Maybe it wasn't so much him who figured it out but his best friend, Fred. The two had met in their freshman year of highschool and instantly hit it off, bonding over a mutual love of comic books and video games. It had probably been when Fred came out to him as gay that he'd started wondering if maybe there was something different about him too-a name for this horrible feeling he lived with on a daily basis that he had been born in the wrong body. One day after gym Tadashi had finally had a breakdown and, after being led under the bleachers by a very concerned Fred, admitted to everything that had been locked up inside of him for so long, that he'd been afraid to tell anyone for fear of what they'd think. It had been more of a relief than Tadashi could express when Fred had tightly hugged him and told him that the reason that the reason that he felt like a guy was that he was, in fact, a guy-that just because he'd been born with a body that was traditionally associated with girls, that didn't change who he was inside and that it was only natural for him to feel this distressed since his inside and outsides weren't in synch.

Fred had wanted to take Tadashi home right there and then to talk to his aunt, to make sure that his family was giving him the support that he needed. But Tadashi had vehemently refused-he'd already lost his birth parents to a car accident when he was only eight years old, he couldn't bear the thought of potentially being shunned by his aunt and little brother, the only family that he had left. So he and Fred had worked out a system: every morning, Tadashi left for school dressed in the girly clothes that his aunt loved to buy for him, long hair pulled back into a braid. But as soon as his bus got to school, he and Fred met in an abandoned bathroom and Tadashi changed into the men's clothes that Fred always brought for him, wrapping his chest in the ace bandages and tucking his hair up under a hat (for the classes that would allow him to do so), repeating the process in reverse at the end of the day.

It was exhausting having to keep up these appearances, but with as much torture as Tadashi went through on a daily basis at school from his classmates, he couldn't even think about risking having that torture brought home-or, worse, losing his home altogether if his aunt completely rejected him. But he was willing to continue struggling on at school if it meant having at least a few hours a day actually feeling like himself-like the man that he knew he was supposed to be. Even if it meant enduring excruciating pain from wearing the bandages.

"Hey Tadashi!"

Tadashi can't help but smile as he looks up and sees Fred coming towards him, waving enthusiastically and calling his name. While most people refused to use anything but his deadname, Fred had gladly started calling him Tadashi the minute that he'd let him know that was his chosen name, and that was something that never failed to make Tadashi smile.

Tadashi smiles and starts to wave to his friend, only to have to lower his arm as another jolt of pain goes through him. Damn, this was getting bad…

"Dashi, what's wrong?" Fred asks, frowning in concern as he reaches him.

"N-Nothing!" Tadashi answers, trying to smile but knowing that it probably looked more like a grimace. "L-Let's just get to AP History, huh?"

"Dashi, if you're obviously in pain, things are most certainly _not_ okay," Fred says firmly, putting his hands on his shoulders. "C'mon-I'm taking you to the bathroom," he adds in a softer tone, turning him around and starting to steer him off down the hallway.

"Fred, we can't, we'll be late for class!" Tadashi protests.

"We're not going to class, we are getting this taken care of," Fred answers, his tone leaving no room for argument. Even if he'd wanted to fight, Tadashi was feeling too light headed and too much in pain to argue and so he just allows Fred to guide him along, trying to shut off his brain so he wouldn't think so much about the pain.

As soon as they reach the bathroom and the door is closed safely behind them (and a heavy trash can shoved up against it for extra security), Fred pulls Tadashi's shirt off (they'd done this enough times it wasn't really uncomfortable for either of them-Fred always respected Tadashi's boundaries, but sometimes like today he needed help and he wasn't afraid to give it to him.)

"Oh, Dashi…" Fred breathes when he sees the angry red welts on his friend's chest. "That-Okay, that is not healthy, those bandages are coming off _now_."

"But Fred-"

"Either you're taking them off, or I'm doing it for you! It's your choice!"

Tadashi reddens slightly-he'd been crushing on Fred for a while now and the idea of the guy seeing him half naked was something he didn't want to have to consider at the moment and so, unwillingly, he heads over to a stall and starts unwrapping his bindings. As much as he hated having them off, he had to admit that he could breathe a lot easier without them on. Somewhere along the ways Fred discreetly slipped Tadashi's shirt and sports bra under the door and he pulled them on, not really wanting to wear the damn things but knowing that he didn't have much of a choice. He was slightly surprised, though, when he realizes that Fred had given him his guy shirt back instead of the one he was going to wear home, but he decides that maybe he was just going to wait until after the last period to make him go that far. However, when he steps back out of the stall and sees the serious look on Fred's face, he can't help but feel like something major was about to go down.

"Tadashi, you can't keep going on living like this," Fred says as soon as he notices him.

"Like what?" Tadashi asks evasively, refusing to meet the other man's eyes.

"Sneaking around behind your aunt's back and pretending to be someone you're not to her face? Killing yourself with these bandages? Tadashi, you deserve better than this-you deserve to be able to live your life freely as the amazing guy that you are. And up 'til now I've respected your decisions because I thought it was making you happy, but Dashi, it's _not_ and I refuse to let my best friend keep hurting himself."

"F-Fred, what are you talking about-"

"We're leaving school. _Now_. And first we are going out and getting you a proper binder from that store that just opened up in the mall, then we are getting you a haircut-and don't tell me you don't want one, I've seen you drooling over those pictures of Daniel Henney. Then we are taking you home and talking to your aunt about this. I would never force you out of this closet if I didn't think it was necessary, but you are _killing _yourself with this, and I'm not going to let that happen anymore."

"B-But…" Tadashi protests, eyes going wide with fear. "W-what if she doesn't accept me? What if she kicks me out?!"

"Then we'll pack your stuff-what you want of it-and you'll come move in with me," Fred answers. "My parents won't mind, and they're hardly home anyways, so it'd be perfectly fine. I'm trusting that I know your aunt well enough to know that she'll love you no matter what your gender, but if she doesn't, well, you have an awesome backup plan!"

"Y-You'd really let me come live with you?" Tadashi asks, feeling his cheeks flushing slightly.

"Duh!" Fred answers with a grin. "Of course I would! You're my best friend and I love y-"

Fred breaks off suddenly his cheeks turning bright red. "Um, shit, d-did I just say that out loud? Uh, forget I said that!" He lets out an awkward laugh, obviously trying to play it off. But Tadashi was staring at him, trying to believe that he'd actually heard those words.

"Y-you love me?" he asks softly.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything, it just slipped out!" Fred answers, blushing even brighter red. "But I don't want to make things weird between us, just forget that I-"

Tadashi crosses to him in two quick strides and, before he can chicken out, presses a quick, chaste kiss to Fred's lips.

"I love you too," he whispers, grinning shyly up at him.

"Y-Yeah?" Fred grins down at him, looking slightly dazed.

"Yeah," Tadashi agrees with a warm smile.

"Okay, wow… I feel like this is something we really need to talk about, but first things first," Fred says, shaking his head slightly as if to clear it. "Let's get through this thing with your aunt and then we can figure this out, okay?"

"Sounds good!" Tadashi agrees, beaming now. Fred loved him. Fred actually loved him! As long as he knew that, he felt that he could get through anything.

A few hours later, standing outside of his house, he was feeling a lot less sure of himself. It had been fun sneaking out of school with Fred (he still didn't know how exactly Fred knew how to get past the security guards, but he wasn't asking questions), taking the trolley to the mall and getting the binder (although Fred wasn't letting him wear it home, telling him that he needed to give his poor chest a rest for the night) and then going to get his hair cut (the girl in the salon hadn't even looked at him funny when he'd showed her the picture of what he wanted, just getting right down to business and creating a hairstyle that he absolutely loved.) But actually standing here at the door, facing the very real idea of having to tell his aunt the truth-it was terrifying, and all he wanted to do was run far away to someplace he'd be safe and never have to risk actually losing one or possibly two of the most important people in his life.

"Hey." Fred squeezes his hand encouragingly. "C'mon, you've got this. I'll be right here with you the whole time, and if she starts getting nasty, I'll be defending you with everything I've got."

Tadashi can't help but laugh slightly at that-Fred was on the scrawny side, and even though his aunt was shorter than him, she packed a powerful punch, and it would be interesting to see who actually won in a fight.

"And if she doesn't completely love you as you are, then she doesn't deserve to be in your life," Fred adds firmly.

Tadashi nods, feeling tears pricking at the back of his eyes at his boyfriend's words before taking a deep breath and reaching shakily for the handle. This was it-no matter what happened, today was the day that he stopped living a lie and started being himself.

When he walked into the cafe, he was pretty sure that Aunt Cass didn't even recognize him at first, eyes glancing right past him before suddenly cutting back to him and going wide with shock.

"T-Tomoko?" she stammers.

"Hey, Aunt Cass," he says softly, rubbing the back his neck and trying to stay brave. Fred squeezes his hand encouragingly, and that was all the confidence boost that he needed.

"C-Can I talk to you-y'know, back in the kitchen?" he asks his aunt, forcing himself to hold her gaze-he would not be ashamed, this was who he was.

"I-I… S-sure," Aunt Cass finally agrees, not taking her eyes off of him as she heads back into the kitchen, Fred and Tadashi following after her.

"Tomoko, what's going on?" she asks when they're safely behind the closed door, seeming to have finally regained the use of her words.

"T-there's something I need to tell you," Tadashi answers, feeling like a small child again under her stern, searching gaze. "I-It's not easy to say, but I… I need you to know. Because I care about you and you're one of the most important people in my life, and I think you deserve to know the truth."

"All right." Aunt Cass crosses her arms over her chest, seeming slightly nervous but not seeming angry either, which was a good sign.

"I…" Tadashi feels like the words are sticking in his throat, but he forces himself to swallow and take a deep breath and then, in a small voice, he says, "I-I'm a guy, Aunt Cass."

"You're what?" Aunt Cass didn't sound shocked or disgusted, but like she had barely heard him the first time and wanted to make sure what he'd said before saying anything herself.

"I'm a guy," Tadashi repeats, voice slightly stronger now. "I-I've felt this way ever since I was little, but it wasn't until I got older and started... changing that I could actually put a name on it. I've never felt okay in a woman's body-if anything, feeling trapped like this made me hate myself for a really long time. But now I know the truth, and I've been wearing guys' clothes at school and keeping my hair under a hat so that I can really feel like myself. A-And I'm sorry I haven't told you earlier, but I didn't want you to be mad at me or disown me because I love you so much… But now I'm asking you to please accept me as I am, like I've learned to accept myself. Please…" He feels tears pricking at the back of his eyes as he waits for his aunt's reply-he'd said everything that he needed to say, and the ball was in her court now. That didn't make it any less scary, though, even with Fred's arm firmly around his waist for support.

"Oh, Tomoko…" Suddenly Aunt Cass was crossing the kitchen to him, wrapping her arms tightly around him in a hug. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"I… I was afraid that you wouldn't be okay with this," Tadashi admits, hugging her back and letting out a huge sigh of relief, Fred flashing him an excited smile and a thumbs up over her shoulder.

"Sweetie, I'm so sorry you felt that way," Aunt Cass tells him softly. "And I'm so sorry if I ever did anything to make you feel like that, and I'm even more sorry that you've had to go through this alone. But honey, I am going to do everything I can to help you now, okay?"

"T-thank you," Tadashi manages to get out, happy tears streaming down his cheeks. His aunt still loved him, even though she knew the truth-not only that, she wanted to help him! This had gone better than he'd ever hoped.

"We'll go out and get you some new clothes tomorrow, and whatever else you need," Aunt Cass promises, finally releasing him from the hug but still holding his hands tightly.

"Well, Fred's already pretty much taken care of most of that, but thank you," Tadashi tells her with a warm grin.

"Of course, sweetie. I-I'll be honest, I don't know much about… Well, the trans community in general, but I'm going to start doing my research as soon as I can help support you. And you tell me whatever I can to help make you feel more comfortable-I can't guarantee that I won't slip up now and then, but I'll do my best."

Tadashi nods, grinning now. "This means more to me than you can ever imagine… Um, I know there are probably things, but I'm too happy to be able to think what they are right now…"

"How about your name, to start with?" Fred suggests gently.

"Your name?" Aunt Cass asks, flashing Tadashi a curious look.

"Y-yeah…" Tadashi flushes slightly. "I-Is it okay if I ask you to start calling me Tadashi?"

"Tadashi…" Aunt Cass says the name slowly and then nods. "That sounds like a very suitable name! I'll definitely do my best to do that, and if I forget you just remind me, okay?"

"Thank you!" Tadashi pulls her into a tight hug. "You are the best aunt ever, you know that?"

"Well, I try!" Aunt Cass answers with a pleased laugh.

"Tomoko?" They all turn to see a little boy with dark hair that resembled dandelion fuzz standing in the doorway, still wearing his school clothes and watching the little party with uncertainty.

"Hiro!" Tadashi can't help but feel a slight stab of panic in his chest as he look at his little brother-this was his last major hurdle. Would Hiro understand this, let alone be okay with it?

"Why do you look like a boy?" Hiro asks quietly, coming over to stare up at Tadashi with frank curiosity.

"That's because I am a boy," Tadashi answers, reaching down to gently scoop his sibling up into his arms.

"But I thought you were a girl," Hiro says, his tiny face scrunching up in confusion.

"Well-sometimes boys are born in a girl's body, and sometimes girls are born in a boy's body," Tadashi explains carefully, trying to explain this in a way that would be easy for Hiro to understand.

"Really?" Hiro seems to be considering this. "Does this mean that I could be a girl?"

"Well… Do you feel like a girl?" Tadashi asks gently.

"Mm… No," Hiro finally say decisively, shaking his head. "I like being a boy!"

"And that's totally fine!" Tadashi tells him, nuzzling noses with him. "You be whoever and whatever you want to be!"

"Does that mean I could be a superhero?" Hiro asks eagerly through his giggles.

"If you want to be, you absolutely can!" Tadashi answers with a smile.

"Yay!" Hiro happily hugs him before saying, "I like you as a sister, but I like you as a brother too!"

"T-Thank you…" Tadashi finds himself getting a little teary eyed as he gently nuzzles his younger sibling.

"See?" Fred says with a warm smile as he watches the two. "There was nothing to worry about, was there?"

"No," Tadashi agrees with a grin of his own as he looks around the kitchen at all the people who not only loved but completely supported him. "Everything… Everything's turned out just perfect." He knew that he still had a lot of battles ahead of him-a lot of tough and even scary and probably painful battles. But with the people he loved the most in the world there with him, he knew he could get through anything.


End file.
